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Cheating death by cloning

I got a pretty unusual press release in the old inbox the other day from a company calling itself “DNA Live Forever” that claims to have come up with a way to travel in time — by cloning yourself.

In a nutshell, the company’s business model is you send them $120 and a baggie of your nail clippings that will be stored until the technology exists so you can be “regenerated” with your DNA.

And, minus the initial $20 fee and 10 percent of the interest earned, you’ll get that $100 back with decades of interest. Or, rather, your clone in 300 years will get the money.

(For some extra scratch you can also send DNA of your dog or cat and they’ll be regenerated as well whenever you want.)

The company hails from Zephyrhills, Fla. which, according to its website, is a city of 10,833 located northeast of Miami. It is home to Nestle bottled water subsidiary Zephyrhills Water and the Zephyrhills World War II Barracks Museum.

The proprietor of DNA Live Forever is one Max Stevens, according to the press release. He likens the approach to cheating death and setting yourself up for a comfortable life once you come back:

A famous man once remarked that the opinion of history won’t matter because in the future we’ll all be dead. Maybe…maybe not. Why let today’s science dictate your fate? Max Stevens and a growing number of scientists believe you may just want to bank on the future with DNA Live Forever LLC.

As for how to clone yourself, the company assures customers the technology to do so is not far off. For now, all you have to do is supply the raw materials for your regeneration — “hair, some finger nail clippings and a cue tip swab of the inside of your mouth.” The company says to put those items in a freezer bag and mail it to them where they will be stored in a vault.

Despite the small fact that you’ll be dead, the “new” you will be able to reap the rewards of your fiscal responsibility. That paltry $120 investment could be worth as much as a “Billion Dollars” in a mere 300 years. And, as a bonus for the new you, time will have flown by:

The great thing is, just like when you go to sleep, you awake in what seem like a second. So when you go into the great sleep, a 100 or 300 years will go by like a second. This is without a doubt the real time travel or time machine of the future.

And, in case your clone wakes up and doesn’t know who you are, that also is covered:

DNA Live Forever LLC also collects information and pictures from members so that their future regenerated selves will able to learn about their past lives. This biographical information will remain confidential.

You won’t get the money until you’re 18, but the company says it will take care of your clone up to that point too:

The company will monitor your upbringing and provide your caregivers with a monthly living allowance from your trust account.