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Superhuman skills for lawyers

From the Associated Press comes this tale of a lawyer from College Park who is apparently so tough he can handle sparking wires on a rain-soaked road without killing himself.

I don’t mean to make light of lawyers behaving badly in general, or the charges against Richard Bialczak in particular, because if even half of the other allegations against him are true, his case is no laughing matter.

Still, it did make me wonder if a guy with such a special skill isn’t in the wrong profession. I mean, “Immunity to Electric Shock” would look great on a resume or the firm’s webpage — and there’s a father-son team in Vietnam who “have been of great help in repairing and managing the town electric system, say the people in Ngoc Son village” — but when would you ever use it as a lawyer? Settlement negotiations, maybe?

That, in turn, made me wonder what superhuman skills might actually come in handy for attorneys. ESP? X-ray vision? Jedi mind tricks? The Bene Gesserit “Voice” from Dune?

If you could pick one special power, what would it be and how would you use it in the practice of law?

And no, it’s not enough to say “For good, not evil.” We’re all officers of the court here, after all.

2 comments

  1. simple. Telportation instantly anywhere I wanted to be. No more need for process servers, no more rushing to the courthouse. No more worrying about deadlines. Transcontinental flights to close deals….HA! Think of the savings!

  2. I like it! MUCH better than just being able to fly, with none of the moral qualms that (ought to) accompany the Jedi mind tricks/Bene Gesserit ‘Voice.’