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All clean, except on the drug test

One of the many perks of fatherhood, I’ve learned, is you can always blame the baby/use the baby as an excuse. Phone conversation dragging on? I hear the baby crying. Don’t want to go out on a Saturday night? The baby isn’t feeling well. Wife smells something funky? The baby needs a diaper change.

Which brings us to Justin Love, whose failed drug tests cost him his job as a Prince George’s County police officer. After the second failed drug test, Love requested an administrative hearing, where he offered up the following explanation for the positive tests. Via an unreported Court of Special Appeals opinion (emphasis mine):

Mr. Love then testified on his own behalf and claimed that the test results were all “false positives.” He offered two alternate explanations for the results. First, he explained that when bathing his then-two-year-old son, he had used Aveeno Baby Wash—a product that, he contended, caused infants bathed in it to test positive for marijuana. He provided an unauthenticated copy of a 2012 article he had obtained from the Internet, which the Board admitted in evidence, that discussed a study in which infants washed in this shampoo test ed positive. He also claimed to have seen a report in which a child’s parent also tested positive— “there was an exposé done by several of the newscasts, um, and there was one particular one that I can remember that there was the – the parent was positive, too. The mother and the . . . infant [were] positive”—but he neither identified the report nor offered expert testimony supporting this theory.

I obtained myself a couple of articles from 2012 about babies testing positive for marijuana, and this appears to be true. I didn’t see anything about the parents testing positive, however, only that child protective services might get involved if parents are falsely accused of being under the influence.

Naturally, this whole incident reminded me of the “Seinfeld” where Elaine tests positive for opium because she’s eating poppy-seed bagels.

I’d love to go on about the implications of this court decision and what this case means for efforts to legalize marijuana, but I hear the baby crying.